I want to be

I want to be like the tornado that touches down on the earth,
disappearing right when the warning sirens sound;
forgettable, but somehow recalled, like a feeling of de ja vu, she said.
I want to be like the song that gets stuck inside of someone's head,
but they can't remember the name, she said.
I want to be like the sky, 
never the same
and goes on farther than the eye can even see, she said.


Now

You can't wait for the tide to change
You can't wait for the rain to come
in the midst of a drought
You can't wait months and months
Or even just a day.
Life is too short for the what if's and plans.
You can't wait.
Your hour is on the horizon -
Your time is
Now.


And I remembered your eyes

and when I came home, I remember how the sounds trickled through the night air like rain against the greenest of leaves in the summertime. I sat and listened, clutching my heart as the soft sounds of the grass rustled through the wind. and I was reminded of the silence on the phone when we ran out of things to talk about. I remember those moments right before the storm came, the air becoming still, then wind came in a rush, my tangled hair flying back over my shoulders. I remember the way the thunder cracked and echoed through the mountains and the way the rain came in patterns, first off on the horizon and then coming forward, a wall of liquid. 

I remember the way you used to look at me, your eyes the shade of the distant clouds before that storm. Peaceful. and I remember the way you'd shyly smile at me and the way we pretended to be friends even when we both knew it was something more. I remember the way I left all that I stood for behind me - I gave it all up, just for you. and I remember how you dug through my heart, your words becoming honest as you grasped my precious treasures and broke them before my eyes, walking away as the wall of rain came in from far off, 

and I knew it; I knew what would happen right from the beginning. I knew it even before I could see the storm off in the farthest mountains.

and I sighed, listening to the thunder roll;

 

and I remembered your eyes. 


Stars

If I could choose one memory to be branded on my mind forever, it would be the time I sat in the passenger seat of my Dad's car,  just the two of us. It was night and the rain hit the windshield, the wipers moving back and forth across the glass, making a small squeaking noise where there wasn't moisture in some places. The lights seemed to flow with the water, drifting from their bulbs for a moment and then going back to their rightful place.
"If you squint, the headlights look like stars," I said quietly to him as we went down the highway, heading home.
"I've never noticed that before," Dad said through a slight smile. We sat in the quiet, just the rumble of the engine and the rain pattering on the windows, and we squinted at the lights together.


Secrets

all of these secrets
fall like the tiniest grains of sand
and these secrets
escape far too soon for me to
catch them.


Like geese in autumn

sometimes it's frustrating, to hear my wrist watch tick in the silence. the little second hand moving at a methodical speed. and sometimes it's frustrating to awake in the morning and fix the sheets a certain way only to mess and wrinkle them up again in just a number of hours. and sometimes, it's frustrating to feel like there's so much to do, only to sit and wait for the calendar to cross its own days out. it's frustrating how the days can seem so slow, yet fade away so fast. the hours fade away so fast, the ticking second hand flying away like the geese in autumn. flying away, flying away.


why must beautiful creatures die?

I remember the first time I saw a butterfly die.
Its wings got caught between the windshield and the wiper on our family car.
It fought against the wind, trying to break free.

I remember watching it flutter, 
asking to stop the car,
and I got out to set it free.
But it was too late. 

I frowned and sadly held it in my hands
This delicate creature was now lifeless
And tears stung at my eyes.
 

Why must beautiful creatures die?


You have to find your own way out

you're afraid,
lost here in the darkness
but it's your own darkness
and you have to find your own way out.

you're lost here in this place,
a dark scary place
where you're lost and alone
because of your own doing

you've got to be strong
get through this on your own
you gotta stop relying on the world
because it'll crash down on you anyway

there'll be deaths, 
there'll be losses
there'll be things you can't control

you're stuck here,
lost in this diabolical place
filled with demons
that follow you into the night

you've gotta know that not everything
will always be beautiful
not everything will be filled with light

you're not gonna be kind all the time
you're gonna bleed
you're gonna say things you regret and
you're gonna say things you don't want to,
but you have to

you've gotta be strong
this darkness won't slow down
you've gotta be your own light

you've gotta put your chin up, kid
life isn't gonna slow down for you
there's gonna be darkness in some choices
and light in others

but it's up to you to choose
'cause no one can do it for you
youve gotta learn to open up your own eyes
learn to walk away when you know it's right

turn around when you know you've done wrong
stop and go back when you know in your guts it's wrong
you've gotta be strong
you've got the light inside of you

you've gotta make the right choice

so do it
for yourself
for them
for others
for him

even if you can't see it now
you'll see it soon

you've gotta do whats best for you
even when you wanna make others feel happy
you gotta make sure youre happy first

so stop

stop

stop

and make the right choice
before it's too late.

you're afraid,
lost here in the darkness
but it's your own darkness
and you have to find your own way out.


If I could tell you

If I could tell you that you are the sea
If I could tell you that you are the stars
If I could tell you that you are the morning sun
If I could tell you that you are the purest light;
If I could tell you - 

I would.


Vulnerability

Trembling, she opened her heart; quietly she whispered, "let's go.”