The story isn't over | current thoughts on life in Nashville
I want this blog to be a place where I can share my life with you. I want to be honest and vulnerable with you - to be relatable in many ways. Often times I feel a pull in myself to be everything to everyone. Like you, I smile and say "I'm good" whenever someone asks how I am. Though just beneath my smile there's a hurt that I feel like no one will ever understand. But, I'm slowly realizing that that is a lie.
This week, someone unexpectedly told me: "there is a new page turning in your life. Your story is not over." Those words cut through my heart that has grown so tired and so numb to feeling anything lately. Since moving, I've felt the urge to push all of my feelings away, ignoring them. I've felt lonely - which seems odd to me since I moved from basically the middle of nowhere to a big city.
I've felt lost - not knowing what to do with all of these dreams I have. I've had sudden job changes that hurt and confuse me. I want to be a writer, an artist, a photographer - so many dreams that I feel like I can't pull them out of my head and make them reality. I've been searching for God in the middle of this and I feel a bit lost as I search for Him.
I've felt like I'm not enough over the past few months, trying to pin point exactly who I am - searching and searching for Carolyn, but not finding her anywhere. But, I remind myself over and over "the story isn't over. the pages are still turning." There is no mandatory rule that says we have to have ourselves all figured out by age 25.
I am still trying to understand that God is working - when I feel incomplete and lonely and hurting and numb. God is working - when I feel lost and confused. Even when I push Him away, He is still there, waiting with open arms. He has not left, even when I do at times. The story isn't over. Your story isn't over.
*Photo above taken by my dear husband.